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Kody & Liz and Austin and Kelsi --Newly-Wedded
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Following their greeting the
congregants while standing beside the Pastor, Associate Pastor Amanda Patton
(retired) invited the newlyweds to dinner at her daughter’s home. A happy
afternoon followed; complete with an impromptu wedding cake. Later the newlyweds
returned to their suburban Belleville bedroom-with-kitchen-privileges,
convinced that homes like theirs form the cornerstone of the nation. That was Spring, 1947,shortly
after World War Two and we were happy to be together, although BLT sandwiches
were the best we could afford at times. Following our military time, we
struggled with low income jobs, major health problems and the demands of higher
education. Four years into marriage we bought our first car, had our first
baby, and simultaneously received that coveted first degree.
Since then, we have
observed an increaseingly mobile society decentralize our nation’s families, disconnecting
many from their moral moorings. We began as two, in-creased to four, then six.
Time watched us transition to nine with a tenth expected and one depart into
heaven.
These were years of watching
eroding and warping family values, when a quarter-million unwed mothers
annually averaged sixteen years of age, forty to sixty percent pregnant on
their wedding day. The widening stream of marital melancholy broadened and deepened into an overflowing torrent of personal grief,
marital instability, abuse and mayhem.
Many Christians no longer viewed marriage as viable, with
little insight into biblical marriage and family life. One troubled teenager
confessed,
“I
married in haste, and I’m regretting it in leisure. I am seventeen and a half
years old. I am five feet ten inches tall. I weigh one hundred forty-five
pounds. Physically, I am a woman. And I would have to say – I did say, over and
over-that when I married Bill … at age sixteen years and five months, I was
mature.”
Marriage follows a
courtship that calls for a recipe requiring three ingredients to be anything
more than a half-baked cake:
1) Preparation.
Look before you leap! Many people prepare better for their driver’s license
than for their marriage license.
2) Commitment.
The right kind of court-ships do not dock in Reno, meaning that a serious
relationship must have a true commitment that results in a mutual covenant.
3) Faith. True
marriage builds on a foundation of faith that reaches upward into a triangle that
puts God at the apex, where he alone adds the sacredness needed in every
wedding vow.
PREPARATION
One cannot make too much
preparation in readying to commit one’s self. Simply said, one needs to look before leaping. Humpty Dumpty in LOOKING THROUGH
THE LOOKING GLASS reproached Alice for her rate of growth. “I never asked about
growing,” exclaimed Alice indignantly!
“Too proud?” inquired
Humpty Dumpty. “I mean,” Alice responded, “that one cannot help growing old.”
“One can’t, perhaps, but
two can,” came the reply, and here is the Ode to Marriage, beautiful and true;
“two can.”
Universal, compulsory,
standardized views of marriage encourage today’s youth to marry and to value
themselves primarily for marriageability, but many waste their energy by
valuing themselves only by marital rating and adjustment. Couples contemplating
marriage will, however, take comfort knowing Metropolitan Life Insur-ance reported
four times as many bachelors die of tuberculosis as married men, three-to-four
times as many die of influenza and pneumonia. Widowers and divorced men remain
three times more accident prone than husbands.
Jackie Loughery. 1952 Miss
America, revealed the innermost aspiration of most young women when she
confessed,
“I concentrate on my acting
career and hope everyone will forget that I once won a beauty contest. Although
getting ahead in show business is my main interest in life, I know in my
heart—like all women—that a career at best is a poor substitute for a loving
husband.”
Comedian Jack Durant advised Las Vegas visitors to marry early in the day
so a divorce would not ruin their whole day. there is more to life than marriage
and more to marriage than sex, and some should not marry until they change, but
should the church accept divorce?
Paul’s interpretation of
Jesus is, “Let everyone lead the life which the Lord has assigned to him, in
which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches” (I Cor. 7:17).
The Church needs to be less negative with divorced people and far more positive
about premarital preparation.
COMMITMENT
Christian marriage brings two
people for-saking all others and themselves, to commit to each other
permanently. The Old Testament allowed divorce only because of the madness of
men’s hearts (cf Mt. 19:1-15 JBP).
The issue was not the
divorce per se; under discussion was the man’s role in marriage. Jesus expected
the man to make a commitment to his partner that went further than burned
toast. Marriage without commitment provides a contract but builds no re-lationship.
Contrary to common practice, Jesus protected the women and children, both in
and out of marriage. Rabbi Hillel allowed divorce for any cause and Rabbi
Shammai allowed it only in for unchastity. The Jews were divided on the issue,
but Jesus never veered from his concept of commitment.
“Is divorce too easy?”
writer Howard Whitman asked a judge. “I think marriage is too easy,” the judge
replied.
Commitment to one’s
marriage becomes an act of obedience to God. Although most people are capable
of marriage, not many are prepared for it, as Jesus implied: “It is not
everybody who can live up to this” replied Jesus, ‘—only those who have a
special gift. For some are incapable of marriage from birth, some are made
incapable by the actions of men, and some have made for themselves so for the
sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let the man who can accept what I have said
accept it” (Mt. 19:12 JBP).
MOST WEDDING VOWS SAY,
“What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.” Christian marriage builds
a three-fold relationship that is social,
physical, and spiritual. Parenthood provides fulfillment for the physical
needs of marriage and the human task of replenishing the earth. As a law of
creation, marriage remains open to all.
From a Christian
perspective, the spiritual principle holds: only a total and absolute
commitment fulfills the marriage ideal (I Cor. 7:3-4). Ideally, a couple
entrusts to each other the very best of what they themselves are, all that they
may become, and they leave no back doors open. While society holds the door
open for all to marry, not all should marry, not without making some changes.
Christian marriage is a
miracle of God. It requires partnership
with God as the medi-ator. There can be no ideal marriage with a selfish
spouse. Marriage means a lifetime of sharing love unselfishly, concerning
itself with the spouse as unconditionally as with one’s own self.
There can be no ideal
marriage with a spouse mocking the marriage-bond by sipping irresponsibly from
the cup of love. Such sin only adds
misery to the marriage; meaninglessness to men, worthlessness to women, and
casualty to children. Thinking of the
immature, Rosalind Russell once quipped, Too many youngsters are setting
out on the matrimonial seas before they have learned basic seamanship.”
The church that takes
divorce seriously will constructively work at preparing couples for marriage.
When a Christian and a non-believer marry, conflicts of faith just will naturally
result (I Cor. 7:32-35). When a Christian single dates anyone s/he would not wish
to marry, s/he risks emotional involvement that often leads to serious marital conflict
of interest. Churches that take seriously the causes of divorce will take even
more seriously the needs for preparation for marriage, since insufficient
preparation is a major cause of divorce. As suggested earlier, a driver’s
license seem-ingly requires more preparation than a marriage license .
Religious faith pffers
another key factor. Some say couples have a six-hundred per-cent better chance
to succeed when they attend the same church and when they take their religious
faith seriously. Others claim common interests improve one’s chances by fifteen
percent However, the divorce rate is said to increase nine times when the
couple is acquainted fewer than six months.
Finance and Sex each
contribute signify-cantly to marital bliss, or failure. Whether a man winds up
with a nest egg or a goose egg may well depend upon the chick he marries. Dr.
Irving Sands concluded that premarital sex by females blighted their emotions. A
certain gossip columnist reported, “For about fifteen years I have been
the confidant of /broadway abnd Hollywood actors and actresses who have opportunities
to live a promiscuous … life. And some of them … to the hilt … But when they
trust you and let down their hair, they will confess how frustrating and
unsatisfying it all is.”
The sex impulse involves
the deepest emotional levels and cannot be measured by an IBM computer. Without
minimizing the physical side of marriage, the marital re-lationship depends
more on the merger of one spirit with the other, than upon glandular satisfaction.
This suggests compatibility depends more upon emotion-al satisfaction than upon
sexual adjustment.
Immaturity provides a
powerful area of marital stress. When emotional adjust-ments are poor, sex
problems become exaggerated. “What’s Mrs. Monday kicking about,” Mr. Monday
asks. “She’s getting her share. I’m providing her a good income and paying the blls.
Does she want the world with a picket fence around it.”
Marriage entitles Mrs.
Monday to emotional stability with economic support, a normal sex life and
children, companionship and normal social interaction. If Mr. Monday has no
will to provide them, he has no right to marry. Even before marriage,
experience suggests emotionally heathy girls usually reject sex without love
and that persistent petting does exist
among those most neurotic.
FAITH
Looking back; we see our preparation
and commitment would have been inadequate without a strong faith. Ideal marriage
becomes a conspiracy with God. Greatness did not come to Moses by accident. His
parents conspired with God (trusted in time of trouble) and birthed a son
through whom God could initiate the Exodus.
Giving personal priority to God’s
will and faithfully maintaining one’s relationship with God does much to build
a lasting relationship (I Cor. 7:29-31). Successful marriages seldom happen by
accident.
Successful marital
partners strive consistently for excellency of self: “Make love your aim,”
advised Paul (I Cor. 13). There can be no conspiring with God without
worship-ping together--regularly. The couple that marries for keeps will avoid
the obvious dangers of falling out of love.
When God holds his
rightful place in the marriage, the two equals can submit equally and mutually.
Husbands will love their wives realistically,
but sacrificially, purposefully, willfully and absolutely (Eph. 5:22-31).
Wives will be subject to, but never inferior to, their husbands. He is subject
to, but not superior to, his wife. The law legalizes marriage and provides a
protective environment for procreation, but marital stay-ability comes only through
God’s presence to make the relationship a mutual journey of faith.
The marriage that puts God
first becomes a quest with each spouse walking the High-way of the Kingdom of
God. Without God, marriage as man’s masterpiece easily crumbles into a
meaningless muddle that lacks in
preparation, in commitment, and in faith with which to maintain it.
This is walkingwithwarner
remembering the three to twelve
months Medical expertise promised my bride of four months. God alone transformed
months into years, until they became 70.5 years and he honored her “I do” and agreeably
called her home_____
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